I’ll go out on a limb and guess that most of you would not expect to see a scene like this one in Southern Living. At Southern Living, we don’t show crumbs, we don’t show smears, we don’t show dirty knives and forks, and we certainly don’t show a basket of doughnuts that looks like it’s been attacked by a marauding band of ravenous badgers.
Don’t worry. This photo isn’t destined for the hallowed culinary pages of our food section. I took it just for my blog, because, unlike our food editors and test kitchen personnel, I have no standards to uphold.
So did uncouth country badgers really shred these doughnuts?
No. Our staff did.
See, every week our editor, John Floyd, holds a question-and-answer session called “Java with John,” the purpose of which is to let us interact with our boss, while commiserating about the rising cost of doughnuts, especially those imported from Java.
At the beginning of each Java, a full basket of doughnuts is placed in the middle of the conference table. Writers, photographers, copyeditors, and artists immediately eye everyone else, waiting for someone to make the first move.
Who will grab the prized chocolate-filled doughnuts? I bet Libby takes two like last time. And that cute, little Allison? Don’t trust her. I bet she’s mailing them home.
Roughly 11 seconds after Java, the basket looks just like this. It’s disgusting.
I mean, doughnuts are meant to be consumed in their entirety. Who pulls a doughnut in half, eats one half, and leaves the other half for somebody else?
We’re not hyenas, after all. We don’t tear antelopes into pieces and leave oozing entrails for others to enjoy. Neither should we leave oozing jelly-filled doughnuts.
I doubt the person who did this wore latex gloves at the time. Which means whatever microscopic organisms were camping out on her fingers are now bivouacking on the doughnut’s remains. Yeah, that looks good.
At Southern Living, we like to say we live like our readers.
In that case, let the Grump be the first to say we owe you an apology.
Now, give me that doughnut with the sprinkles!