For years, we’ve been hearing about the victims of our nation’s skyrocketing cost of health care — the poor, the elderly, the under-served, the unemployed. But what you haven’t heard about is how this situation affects the Grump — especially on a holiday like MLK Day.
You see, the Grump’s wife is an operating room nurse in a very fine hospital in Birmingham. She doesn’t get holidays off the way the rest of you do. And the reason is, you just won’t get sick or injured on a regularly scheduled basis. No, you do it at all hours of the day on every day of the week. Then you expect her to drop everything she’s doing, like serving me tillapia with a crisp white wine, to run to the hospital to make you better. This is downright rude.
So today, instead advising Obama on his comprehensive new peat moss policy, I’m sitting at home doing housework. Yes, housework. And it’s all your fault.
Here is an account of how I’ve lowered myself today.
1. Shopped for groceries and catered to all of Judy’s preferences.
2. Unloaded the dishwasher and loaded it again.
3. Picked up dirty clothes and did a load of laundry.
4. Folded laundry and put it away.
5. Straightened up the house.
6. Installed insulation in the garage.
7. Broke the toilet seat. (I don’t know how that happened. I wasn’t doing anything I don’t usually do. I guess one big crack deserves another.)
The bottom line is, had I not been so exhausted by cleaning all day as a result of the public’s refusal to better plan its hospital visits, our toilet seat would likely have survived. Now we need another one. Can’t wait until Judy gets home. She’s good at fixing stuff like that.