Snow in Alabama — Is It The End of Days?

March 2, 2009 | By | Comments (16)

Snow in Alabama is as rare here as an honest politician. So when I woke up to a blizzard yesterday morning, I calmly assessed the situation and logically concluded that the world was coming to an end.

Woods_2

Outside, it was colder than the British Royal Family. The wind was blowing harder than Chris Matthews. Snow frosted the world. Ketchup, our cat, who has only seen snow twice in his life, immediately recognized this intruder for what it was — the Beast — and cowered upstairs, so we couldn’t put him out.

Signs of the End were unmistakable. The red blooms of my ‘Crimson Candles’ camellia bowed under the weight of this satanic white blanket.

Camellia

Grape hyacinths turned into grape Popsicles.

Gh

My pink flamingo, intoxicated by his proximity to his hero, the Grump, neglected to fly south for the winter and paid the ultimate price.

Flamingo

Most ominous of all, the Grump’s son left the security and comfort of his computer and Iphone and ventured outside into the evil, white world. I expected him to mount the White Horse of the Apocalypse at any minute.

Bink

Would today be the the Grumpy Gardener’s last? Had he offended his readers for the very last time? Would he never again know the pleasure of popping open a Sam Adams or turning off Nancy Grace?

Chastened by the startling turn of events and wanting to put in one last good word for myself while I still had time, I went to church. Only a handful of people occupied the pews. Obviously, the rest were home with their loved ones, barricading themselves inside concrete bunkers with ample supplies of bread, water, toilet paper, and Beast repellent.

Subject of the pastor’s sermon — overcoming fear. I usually accomplish that with a couple of Sam Adams, but with so few people in church, I figured they’d spot me right away, so I resisted the urge.

As the service concluded, I hesitated at the door before walking outside. What devastation would I find? Natural disaster? War? Pestilence? A world with only dial-up?

No, I saw the sun, shining brightly through the clear blue sky. The demonic snow was melting, like the Wicked Witch of the West.

Today, the snow is nothing but a frigid memory. Armageddon averted.

At least, for now. But watch out for the winter of 2012. That’s when we get the Big One. I’m starting to stock our basement with Sam Adams and Beast repellent right now.

COMMENTS

  1. Grumpy Gardener

    The Grump is like Sarah Palin — we’re just mavericks. Don’t know if you can buy pink flamingos at Wal-Mart. My wife bought me a dozen at the Dollar General store. Now that’s what I call value.

    March 8, 2009 at 8:45 pm
  2. Robin B

    My favorite picture was of the flamingo. It takes a lot of nerve to plant one of those things in your yard. Maybe I’ll see if the local Walmart has any. I might need one for myself!!

    March 7, 2009 at 5:39 pm
  3. Grumpy Gardener

    Excuse me, TC. We have seen snow before…..on the Weather Channel.

    March 4, 2009 at 10:50 am
  4. TC

    Geesh. Y’all act like you ain’t ever seen snow before! Oh, wait, you’re in Alabama. Sorry.
    (Didn’t Caesar ride a white horse?)
    By the way, I’m a good friend of Felder and wrote the foreword to his “Tough Plants For Northern Gardens.” He also autographed a copy of y’alls book “Passalong Plants” for me while he was up here lecturing several years ago (Valentines Day, 2003).
    Looks like y’all enjoyed the rare event!

    March 3, 2009 at 8:05 pm
  5. Jean

    Stay away from people named Brutus.

    March 3, 2009 at 12:26 pm
  6. Grumpy Gardener

    Glad everybody got a big kick out of the potential end of the world. Once you know it’s really over, it takes all the pressure off, doesn’t it? As for a spring prediction, Jean, the forecasters say all that warmth from Texas is supposed to arrive here by Friday and send temps up near the 80’s on the weekend. That’s just what we need to get every spring bloomer to open by the Ides of March. And you know how that worked out for Caesar.

    March 3, 2009 at 10:02 am
  7. Jean

    Morning Grump…well you did predict something disasterous since your camelia was in full bloom. Possibly you should replace the groundhog Phil?
    Note to Frances..we got snow here..and in Jackson Tn over a foot of snow fell. NW Tenn didnt get as much but enough to do me for a very long time.Grump..how about a spring prediction?

    March 3, 2009 at 9:24 am
  8. amy

    Enjoyed your blog tonight, my grandaughter age 4 asked “is it Christmas already”. Loved your photos

    March 2, 2009 at 10:37 pm
  9. Pam/Digging

    Man, I haven’t seen that much snow in Austin since…hmm…have I ever seen that much snow in Austin? No, not since growing up in Greenwood, S.C., simply ages ago, have I seen that much snow. And even then it was a rare occurrence. Thanks for the coooool images.

    March 2, 2009 at 6:14 pm
  10. Frances

    Hi Grumpy, that was unnerving to see snow there. It missed us in TN. Sam Adams at the pew would have been indiscreet, but justified. You will know it is the end when the woodpeckers attack.
    Frances

    March 2, 2009 at 6:11 pm
  11. Ann

    One of the things I miss most about Dixie is the fun of the unusual occurence of snow… even living way north of the Mason-Dixon line now, this native Alabamian was excited to hear about the snow there. Glad to have found your blog too!

    March 2, 2009 at 5:56 pm
  12. Phillip

    It is great to discover your blog. My camellias are just getting ready to open so I was worried about all that snow. Ours had melted by 10a.m. I think you guys got a lot more than we did. :(

    March 2, 2009 at 3:19 pm
  13. Cameron (Defining Your Home Garden)

    It has gotten to the point that I have to read your blogs to my husband so that he knows why I’m rolling off my chair laughing with tears streaming from my eyes. :-)
    Cameron

    March 2, 2009 at 3:11 pm
  14. Helen @ Gardening With Confidence

    LOL. Com’on admit it, you loved it!

    March 2, 2009 at 2:20 pm
  15. Grumpy Gardener

    Cold weather should not hurt any camellia bud that isn’t open. However, an open camellia bloom subjected to less than 30 degrees (our low this kmorning was 26) is history. But hey, it could have been worse. At least the sky’s not on fire.

    March 2, 2009 at 12:52 pm
  16. Ginger

    Hilarious! Loved the parts about the flamingo, and Nancy Grace especially. But seriously, since you were already wondering if the world was coming to an end because the camellias were opening early – will this freezing weather keep the rest of the blooms from opening up? Are they just going to drop off? I have a camellia that similarly is about a month early.

    March 2, 2009 at 12:39 pm

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