Grumpians, I desperately need your help. Today while out walking I chanced upon the most beautiful flower I have ever seen. It is perfection in symmetry and glows like the sun. I must have dozens — nay, THOUSANDS — of these glorious wonders in my garden this spring. Only I don’t know what the flower is and where to get more. Can you help me?
As you can see, this botanical jewel features a fluffy, perfectly round blossom about the size of a quarter and composed of many segments. Cold must not hinder it, for it blooms in the dead of winter. I surmise it must rife with pollen and winy nectar for insects constantly buzz about it.
I cannot disclose its location, for it is undoubtedly a rare, endangered plant, perhaps the last of its kind. If people knew where it was, it would surely be plundered by the rapacious collector.
My only hope is that somewhere scientists have learned to propagate it by tissue culture, so that all Americans may one day enjoy its beauty. But before that happens, I simply must know its true name, lest in my desperation, I harm myself by running with scissors or enter a competitive eating contest with Oprah Winfrey.
What is this mystery bloom?????????