Vote for Your Favorite Crepe Murder!
Grumpians, it's that time of year when bored, deranged, and cretinous husbands turn their attention to pruning things badly. All over my neighborhood (and I bet yours too), guys without a clue are cutting back crepe myrtles in a desperate attempt to prove they're every bit as bohemian as their fellow man.
I've given up trying to change this. No matter how many times I rail against this oafish practice, the oafs don't care. They just need something to cut and since cutting people and pets is against the law, most turn to crepe myrtles.
Therefore, Grumpy is announcing his First Annual Crepe Murder Contest and asks you to participate. The rules are simple. Just review the following egregious examples of crepe murder and then vote for the one you think best demonstrates the ignorance and tastelessness of the person who did it.The lucky winner will receive two weeks at Chuckie Cheese with 200 screaming kids!
Contestant #1 — Medusa Myrtle. Don't look her in the eye or you'll turn to stone!
Contestant #2 — Minnie Myrtle. Proving once again that bad things come in small packages.
Contestant #3 — Microwave Myrtle. Check out the Shop, Chop, & Drop Channel!
Contestant #4 — Multiple Myrtle. No one can chop just one!
Contestant #5 — Manic Myrtle. Suddenly, my murderous impulses left me.
America, now you've seen them, it's time to vote! Click on the "make a comment" link to cast your vote or text 1, 2, 3, 4, or 5 to 1-888-IGNORAMUS. Standard texting rates apply. And if you've seen an even better example of crepe murder, send Grumpy a photo and he'll post it.
Oh my! My instinct was to go with #4 for the multiple murder, but #5 just seems so cruel!
They’re all horrible! How depressing. Number 4, if I must vote.
I’ll vote for #4 which looks sadly like it was taken in my neighborhood. They’re all so miserable looking. Bad haircuts for all.
Ouch! They all look so painful, but I’ll go with #5. Poor crepes!
All of the above!
LOL @ No. 5! That poor thing deserves to be put out of it’s misery!
WOW! This whole post made me laugh. Hilarious.
Oh my….#5….did he decide to take a nap in the middle of the murder?
#5
OK, what’s the right way?
OK, what’s the right way and when?
I have to say number 4 is the worst because of the multiple murders – serial crape murder? But I found number 5 to be hilarious. I hope it’s almost like attempted murder in this case and the patient is on life support.
Delete the I Hope from my comment! Although I hope people get a clue on how to do it right!
i vote for #2…poor little thing. i just feel like saying “bless her heart.”
ADL,
This link will show you the right way: http://grumpygardener.southernliving.com/grumpy_gardener/2009/02/what-concerns-p.html
Steve you could of at least looked me up if you knew you were goin to be in my neighborhood…..I was thinking of starting a mailer for the store just because of this reason. Would they hide in shame or come forth for the mild beating and tutorial?!?!?!
Which one is yours, Henry? Remember, you can’t vote for yourself!
Has to be #5.
#1
Gotta be #5 for the sheer idiocy. I can understand being ignorant and doing the pruning. But leaving a couple implies this person actually had a thought, not a good one but still a thought. And that thought said, “I know what’ll look beautiful. A taller version of the tree with a lower tier!”
Must be #5. Who would do this??
Number 4… the more the worse and I see lines of them everyday! Some day I am going to have my head chopped off by a so called gardener who argues with me, a mature southerner! Paaleeease!!!
Definitely #4 gets my vote. As the proud owner of a 1 yr old crepe myrtle, I have seen the error of other owners ways. I promise not to ever have my crepe myrtle pictured in this type of lineup.
Must vote for #4, those poor trees, just think how beautiful they could be!
I think they all warrant the maximum penalty.
#2 – I saw a row of crepe myrtles “murdered” just like this. It is taking years for them to look anything like a crepe myrtle again. Thanks for entertaining and educating us at the AMGA annual meeting this week.
# 5 looks scary – just like in my neighborhood. Are you sure you didn’t take these pictures in Allen TX?
UGHH,
I’m going with 5 , but come to my hood and I can show all here worse.
#5 is not only ugly, it’s schizophrenic.
#5, for sure–not only is it sad, but it goes all the way up to stupid-looking.
I’m wondering why the chopper on #3 left the hydrangea bush just beside it. Or did the poor bush die out of fear for being next?
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