Grumpians, it's that time of year when bored, deranged, and cretinous husbands turn their attention to pruning things badly. All over my neighborhood (and I bet yours too), guys without a clue are cutting back crepe myrtles in a desperate attempt to prove they're every bit as bohemian as their fellow man.
I've given up trying to change this. No matter how many times I rail against this oafish practice, the oafs don't care. They just need something to cut and since cutting people and pets is against the law, most turn to crepe myrtles.
Therefore, Grumpy is announcing his First Annual Crepe Murder Contest and asks you to participate. The rules are simple. Just review the following egregious examples of crepe murder and then vote for the one you think best demonstrates the ignorance and tastelessness of the person who did it.The lucky winner will receive two weeks at Chuckie Cheese with 200 screaming kids!
Contestant #1 — Medusa Myrtle. Don't look her in the eye or you'll turn to stone!
Contestant #2 — Minnie Myrtle. Proving once again that bad things come in small packages.
Contestant #3 — Microwave Myrtle. Check out the Shop, Chop, & Drop Channel!
Contestant #4 — Multiple Myrtle. No one can chop just one!
Contestant #5 — Manic Myrtle. Suddenly, my murderous impulses left me.
America, now you've seen them, it's time to vote! Click on the "make a comment" link to cast your vote or text 1, 2, 3, 4, or 5 to 1-888-IGNORAMUS. Standard texting rates apply. And if you've seen an even better example of crepe murder, send Grumpy a photo and he'll post it.