Good morning, Grumpians. It is 11 AM here in Belize, high time I arose for my morning massage, margarita, and splash in the pool. Rest assured, however, I have not forgotten your problems in the garden, even though I’m trying my best. Recently, many of you have emailed the Grump wanting to know how to foil that pesky critter, the rabbit.
Here is one such plea from Sandy: “Many residents in our community have a problem with rabbits eating our plants. It seems like if it has ANY color, it gets eaten. I sometime feel like staying awake all night on the front porch with a .22 rifle, but I don’t want to kill them, I just want them to go away. Is there something we could either put on the plants or around the plants that would keep rabbits away?”
Grumpy replies:Well, I don’t see any point in sitting out there with a .22 if you aren’t going to use it. They certainly would use it down here in Belize. If you change your mind, here is a delicious Southern Living recipe I found for Kentucky burgoo that uses rabbit. While I was looking, I got all excited about another recipe for “sugared rabbits,” but it turned out to be a sugar glaze you put on chocolate bunnies. Feed that to your kid on Easter morning and he’ll zip through your house faster than subatomic particles at the Large Hadron Collider in Switzerland.
(Note to readers: Grumpy is attempting to introduce some serious science here. For those of you who don’t not know, a “hadron” is the newest super sandwich made with three large patties of whale blubber, two sticks of farm-fresh butter, molasses-glazed pecans, a scoop of mashed potatoes drizzled with brown sugar and clover honey, all wrapped in a deep-fried croissant dusted with powdered sugar and served with your choice of pork rinds or salted bacon. Try a Hadron today!)
Now many of you find the idea of aiming a .22 rifle at a cute, little rabbit to be abhorrent. Just let me remind you how dangerous a wild bunny can be! Watch the classic scene involving a killer rabbit from Monty Python and the Holy Grail:
Obviously, rabbits are not to be trifled with. So how can you reduce their destructiveness without being slaughtered like King Arthur and his knights? Try these solutions.
1. A chicken-wire fenced about 3 feet high with its bottom buried 6 inches into the ground effectively deters rabbits, especially if your neighbor’s garden lacks a fence. Of course, this works best for a vegetable garden. You can’t really put up a chicken fence around your whole yard, because if you do, Southern Living will never take a picture.
3. Try adding plants to your garden with oily, aromatic foliage that rabbits don’t like, such as rosemary and thyme. People like herbs. Rabbits don’t.
4. Serve Kentucky burgoo weekly through the summer.
Bunny photo by Wwarby.