Grumpy may hate eating raw tomatoes, but I realize most of you love love it. In fact, tomatoes are undoubtedly the most popular veggie to grow in the home garden. (Even Grumpy grows them for his family.) Therefore, it is with great joy and boundless confidence in you that I announce Grumpy’s First Annual Big Fat Tomato Contest!
Faithful readers, you may compete with others in your select, highly intelligent community in four different categories. They are as follows:
1. Biggest tomato by weight. We will be using the pinkie-swear honor code here. Your entry must include a digital photo of the ginormous tomato being held in someone’s hand along with your promise to write your name and SSN in giant letters on a banner being pulled by a plane above a crowded beach if you cheat.
2. Prettiest tomato. It can be any kind or color of tomato. Its aesthetic appeal will be judged by an absolutely unbiased, infallible expert — me.
3. Weirdest, most bizarre tomato. It can be ugly, gross, disfigured, contorted, lumpy, warty, or bear a striking resemblance to a goiter. (See? Even if you consider yourself a total failure as a grower, you can still win!)
4. Mr. Tomato Head! Yes, just like making a Mr. Potato Head, you must use your creativity to decorate a tomato with any objects of your choosing to make it resemble the head of a famous person. Which person you choose is up to you.
How To Enter
Each entry in Grumpy’s First Annual Big Fat Tomato Contest must include your name, your town and state, the variety of the tomato, the category you’re competing in, and a jpeg digital image of the tomato emailed to me no later than August 31, 2012. To do this, just click on the “Ask A Question” link in the “About This Blog” box at the top of this page. The final judging and naming of winners will occur in early September. Each category will have 10 winners.
What Will You Win?
The first and most satisfying reward will be the awestruck, almost worshipful admiration and love for you by your friends, coworkers, neighbors, relatives, and former “Happy Days” actress, Erin Moran.
In addition, my friends at Bonnie Plants, who grow lots of the tomato plants you see in Southern garden centers, will send each winner a green plastic jug filled with Bonnie’s liquid, organic Herb & Vegetable Food, so you can grow even bigger, prettier, and more bizarre tomatoes next year with which to honor a famous person.
Now grow some tomatoes!
Tomato shots courtesy of Bonnie Plants