Surprise! Surprise! Surprise! It’s 2013, the world didn’t end after all, which means another wacky season of crepe murder is upon us. That’s right! So many of you loved and participated in Grumpy’s last two contests that Crepe Murder 2013 starts today. Here’s how you can shame the villains and win a cool prize!
What Is Crepe Murder?
Crepe murder is what garden blogger Billy Goodnick would term a “crime against horticulture.” It refers to the stupefyingly primitive practice of chopping down crepe myrtles into short, ugly stumps every winter or spring, thus ruining their beautiful, architectural forms — in many cases, forever.
Why do people perpetrate this crime? Usually, it’s because they saw their neighbors do it. Grumpy can only surmise, therefore, that if tomorrow we were to see our neighbors emerge from their homes adorned with blue hair, there would be an immediate run on the local Wal-Mart for blue spray-paint.
How You Can Help
The best way to stop crepe murder is to humiliate the criminals by posting photos of their heinous acts on The Grumpy Gardener. No need to mention their name or address (per advice of Grumpy’s personal attorney, Sue M. Bigtime). Just go to www.southernliving.com/crepe-murder to submit a photo of the evidence. Include your name, witty title or headline, and detailed description of what you saw. Enter as many times as you like. The contest runs through February 28, 2013.
A really, cool new feature of this year’s Crepe Murder contest is that once you upload your photo, it will go into a public gallery. You’ll be able to see everyone else’s photos along with your own and even vote for the one you think is the best of the worst. However, the Top 10 winners for 2013 will be chosen by Grumpy himself. He is, after all, the worldwide arbiter of taste.
What Will I Win?
All 10 winners of the Crepe Murder contest will receive a lovely ‘Early Bird’ crepe myrtle from our Southern Living Plant Collection. Not only does ‘Early Bird’ bloom earlier than other crepes, often starting in May, but it also grows only 6-8 feet tall, so you NEVER HAVE TO PRUNE IT. We’ll ship it right to your door at a good time for planting.
Now It’s Up To You
Will you stand by and let another beautiful crepe myrtle be maimed for no reason? My friends, the only thing necessary for evil horticulture to triumph is for good gardeners to do nothing. Show that you care. End the slaughter. Make a difference.