I was taking the scenic route to work this morning, past the county landfill, when this horrifying sight appeared. Two formerly lovely trees were chopped into ugly stumps. “Crepe murder most foul!!!!!!!!!!!” I screamed. “How can this still be happening?”
For years, Grumpy has railed against this hideous act like a voice in the wilderness, yet the crime wave continues. What more can I do? More importantly, what more can you do? Suddenly, a voice thundered from the heavens.
“Show the world what they have done! MAKE THEM PAY!”
One More Week to Enter!
And this is how you can do it. Every time you see an innocent crepe myrtle butchered by some ignorant slob in your town, I want you take a digital photo of it and email it to Grumpy by going to this address: www.southernliving.com/crepe-murder. You can even give your photo a clever title, like “Ashes to ashes, sawdust to sawdust.”
In doing so, you will be publicly shaming the offenders into changing their ways, as folks did in olden days by putting scoundrels in stocks in the town square and pummeling them with rotten vegetables. (I miss the olden days.) And you just might be one of 10 winners chosen in Grumpy’s Third Annual Crepe Murder Contest!!
Winners will not only have their bravery and sneakery lauded on this blog for millions to see and applaud, but will also be presented with an ‘Early Bird’ crepe myrtle from our Southern Living Plant Collection. This superior plant grows no more than 8 feet tall and never needs pruning. And it starts blooming as early as Mother’s Day.
But remember — the deadline for entering is February 28, 2013. This gives you a whole week to scout your neighborhood for offensive acts of violence and photograph them when nobody’s watching. MAKE THEM PAY! You don’t want to disappoint the Big Guy.