Crepe Murder 2013 — The Cane Mutiny

March 10, 2013 | By | Comments (2)
Crepe murder

Why be just another crepe myrtle when you can be a Hinesville cane? Photo: Pamela Radiant Frazier.

I don’t know what’s the leading industry in Hinesville, Georgia, but I’m thinking it might be making walking canes for the infirm. Only in Hinesville, they don’t manufacture them at a factory. No, they send someone out in the dead of night with a good pair of loppers in search of a lone crepe myrtle.

Wow, and to think that this stupid tree once had useless branches! Now it’s just a bare, straight trunk and a knob on the top for a sure, non-slip grip. The next step is to cut it to a custom-length and ship this authentic Hinesville Cane to another happy owner who treasures quality. Let’s hear it for Hinesville! You people rock!

Let’s also hear for Grumpy’s loyal reader, Pamela Radiant Frazier, who scoped out this shining example of how not to prune and entered it into Crepe Murder 2013. She’ll beam radiantly when she learns that for her efforts, she’ll receive a dwarf ‘Early Bird’ crepe myrtle that never needs pruning from our Southern Living Plant Collection.

Next Winner This Tuesday
Check back with Grumpy on Tuesday to see our next horrid crime! Hint: there are multiple victims involved. Viewer discretion is advised.


  1. Courtney

    I honestly think that those who do this to crepe myrtles are just lazy. They can’t be bothered to learn how to properly prune one, so they just hack them up instead.

    March 10, 2013 at 5:37 pm
  2. Carolyn Choi

    Geez, that’s pathetic. I was going to enter your contest because I saw a double homicide but it was on a busy highway and I couldn’t stop – not only were the Crape Myrtles hacked to within inches of thieir lives, the red mulch beneath them looked like blood. Horrors !

    March 10, 2013 at 3:03 pm

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