Crepe Murder 2013 — Murderer’s Row

March 12, 2013 | By | Comments (3)
Crepe murder

Mass crepe murder at its worst. Photo by Melanie Hartman.

Thank the Lord for this superb example of professional pruning of crepe myrtles at a shopping center sent in by Melanie Hartman from Yorktown, Virginia. She’s our next winner in Crepe Murder 2013!

See, if you were a mere amateur asked to landscape this parking lot, you might choose crepe myrtles for the little islands. And you might mistakenly say to yourself, “When these crepe myrtles grow into trees, they will beautify the area with their lovely flowers. Their arching branches will provide welcome shade in summer for the cars parked there. Their picturesque canopies will mask the unbroken expanse of asphalt. And even in winter, the handsome, flaking bark on their trunks will provide visual appeal to all who pass by.”

What a load of composted cow manure.

See, trained landscrapers know better. They know that unless crepe myrtles are butchered into hideous stumps with more warts than a hog at a toad-fest, they won’t bloom. They know that unless they convince the owner of the shopping center of this, they won’t have any work in winter. They also know that unless they let you see them committing this crime in broad daylight, you won’t assume they know what they’re doing and then thoughtlessly copy their example at home.

For generously sharing this inspiring example of crepe murder with the world, Melanie will receive a dwarf ‘Early Bird’ crepe myrtle that never needs pruning from our Southern Living Plant Collection.

Next Winner This Thursday!
Be sure and check out The Grumpy Gardener this Thursday for yet another gruesome example of man’s inhumanity to plants. Until then, keep those pruning saws in the garage. Unless you’re a professional.


  1. Steve Bender


    I don’t have room to post all of the hundreds of entries, but will post photos of all 12 winners.

    March 20, 2013 at 2:20 pm
  2. Libby

    please posts the other entrants

    March 16, 2013 at 10:28 am
  3. julian chandler

    Thanks for letting us know about the Early Bird crepe myrtle. Blooming in May? Sounds like my idea of crepe myrtle heaven.

    March 12, 2013 at 2:04 pm

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