Crepe Murder 2013 — Take Me To Your Leader

April 7, 2013 | By | Comments (7)
Crepe murder

Enslaved crepe myrtles approach an alien spacecraft. Photo by William Pfeiffer.

All good things must come to an end. So must all awe-inspiring, game-changing, milestone-making, totally transcendent things. Behold the 12th and final winner of Crepe Murder 2013!

Have you ever wondered how mankind gained the knowledge to prune crepe myrtles in such a mysterious and bizarre way? Did we think of it ourselves? Or was there an outside force at work, an alien intelligence of malevolent intent seeking to spread crepe murder throughout our solar system and, indeed, throughout the galaxy?

Thanks to William Pfeiffer of Savannah, Georgia, we now know the answer. Yes.

As you can see in the photo above, William’s camera captured this remarkable and quite disturbing image of an alien spacecraft that has landed in the National Gallery of Art’s Sculpture Garden in Washington, DC. Before it stands a cowering group of mind-controlled crepe myrtles that feel no pain nor shame in their appearance. The aliens have recruited them to convince other crepe myrtles that ugly, knuckled stumps look beautiful and to offer no resistance when lamebrain landscapers — the aliens’ lackeys — promote crepe murder.

For opening our eyes to this ongoing alien invasion, William wins a dwarf ‘Early Bird’ crepe myrtle that never needs pruning from our Southern Living Plant Collection. Grumpy hopes he will take it with him as he travels to infinity and beyond!

COMMENTS

  1. Betty Burgess

    I am sad that this year’s contest has come to an end. I have enjoyed reading (or should I say “read in horror”) each of the winning entries and look forward (or should I say “dread”) next year’s reports of future crepe murders.

    April 7, 2013 at 11:00 am
  2. a tarheel gardener

    Dear Grumpy,

    Well you may be a grumpy guy, but you sure are funny! I found your blog by accident when searching for info about sooty mold on gardenias. I have several large crepe myrtles and love their shape and texture. Crepe Myrtle is a beautiful tree all year round if allowed to grow, with only minimal pruning. Perhaps your posts are “gallows humor”, but I laughed out loud at your descriptions and comments for all the entries. Thank you!

    April 7, 2013 at 8:08 pm
  3. Steve Bender

    Muchas gracias to both of you. Grumpy is smiling now. Not for long, of course.

    April 8, 2013 at 12:49 pm
  4. Arthur in the Garden!

    I wish a gardening group would begin and education program for landscape maintenance crews!

    April 16, 2013 at 3:55 am
  5. Thou Shalt Not Commit Crepe Murder

    [...] Pic sources 1/2/3/4 [...]

    April 23, 2013 at 9:48 am
  6. George

    Aren’t they crape myrtles–with an “a”? I thought a crepe was a French pancake. Nevertheless, I’m totally with you on stopping the heartbreaking slaughter of these defenseless innocent trees.

    May 3, 2013 at 9:16 am
  7. Betty Burgess

    Seems like both spellings have become acceptable, with “crape” being the older of the two. http://forums.gardenweb.com/forums/load/writers/msg03162434666.html

    May 3, 2013 at 3:01 pm