Crepe Myrtle 2014 — Now That’s Bad Hair!

March 4, 2014 | By | Comments (2)
Crepe Murder 2014

Photo: Meghan Cook

I don’t know what kind of building that is in the background, but I hope it doesn’t hold a beauty salon. Because if they do to your hair what they did to this poor crepe myrtle, you’ll look like you were standing in the middle of a bathtub when someone tossed in a toaster.

Once again, Crepe Murder 2014 features the brainless technique of pruning-by-chainsaw. I cannot figure out what goal the doofus who did this had in mind.

Did he think the crepe myrtle would get too big and its limbs block the windows? Fine, then just follow Grumpy’s instructions in “Crepe Myrtle Pruning Step-By-Step” and that problem is solved. Just remove most of the side branches on the main limbs until they reach the roofline. This results in a shade-producing, flowering, beautiful canopy above the roof and well-spaced trunks you can see right through. The pruning done here accomplishes just the opposite. Now a witch’s broom of twiggy branches blocks the windows and will soon eat up the whole space.

Oh, and did I mention that this poor, mangled myrtle is about as appealing as New Jersey Governor Chris Christie in a thong?

For sending Grumpy this photo of horrific crepe murder in Raleigh, North Carolina, Meghan Cook wins a lavender ‘Early Bird’ crepe dwarf crepe myrtle that never needs pruning from our Southern Living Plant Collection. Boo-yah, Meghan!


  1. Maliene

    Start working at home with Google! Just work for few hours and have more time with friends and family. I earn up to $500 per week. It’s a great work at home opportunity. I can’t believe how easy it was once I tried it out. Linked here http://Pow6.ℭOM

    March 4, 2014 at 3:34 pm
  2. Betty Simmons

    This example of crepe murder reminds me of an ancient vineyard I saw. I was amazed that anything that severely pruned could survive, let alone produce anything worthwhile.

    March 4, 2014 at 10:21 am

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