Alabama leads the nations in strokes and Grumpy almost had one when he viewed this, our final winner in Crepe Murder 2014. This, my friends, represents no momentary lapse of reason. No, this hack job results from years of carefully considered sadism.
Note the attention to detail. Notice that the main trunks, thicker than a man’s arm, have been surgically removed, leaving their ends to rot. Every time a new branch, full of hope and optimism, attempts to grow from beneath the stump, it too is removed. The piece de resistance? The soft drink cup beautifully shoved into the crepe’s crotch, demonstrating that trash can indeed create more trash.
Grumpy would like to thank Jeff Branch of Pelham, Alabama for sending me this photo. He says he shot it outside of a Sherwin-Williams paint store. While there is no evidence Sherwin-Williams was involved, someone obviously had painted the town red before picking up the pruners.
Believe it or not, even this butchered crepe myrtle can be reclaimed. To find out how, read my previous post.
Like previous winners, Jeff will receive a lavender ‘Early Bird’ dwarf crepe myrtle that never needs pruning from our Southern Living Plant Collection. Crepe Murder 2014 is now over! Next time, we’ll talk about growing plants!