Never Leave Your Wife With The Leaf Blower

December 10, 2015 | By | Comments (6)
Photo: Steve Bender

Photo: Steve Bender

Dear readers, you know that for years Grumpy has railed against the senseless and short-sighted act of raking or blowing fall leaves to the curb to be hauled off by the city to landfills. He has championed the environmentally friendly alternative of chopping them up with the lawn mower and turning them into compost to enrich your garden’s soil. Yet today, I acknowledge that I am a fraud and lack all credibility. For if you drive by my house right now, you’ll see the scene above.

I didn’t do it. But it is still my fault. You see, my wife, Judy, is a recently retired operating room nurse with a lot of energy. After she finishes mopping the floors, doing the laundry, sweeping the deck, edging the lawn, painting the front door, washing the car, and setting in motion a delicious, hot meal for when I get home later that day, she gets bored.

All the signs were there. I should have known. It was a nice, mild day. The perfect day for working in the yard after cleaning. Driving home from work, I had this ominous feeling that something dreadful would greet me when I reached our house.

There it was! OMG! Judy had used the leaf-blower to deposit leaves from our lawn in the curb! She thinks it’s no big deal.

The Scream

“The Scream” by Edvard Munch


I cannot live with this shame. But how to atone for my transgression? It was I who had left the leaf blower and extension cord in plain view in the garage. I was Judy’s enabler. I could offer to clean the toilets and empty out Ketchup’s litter box as penance, but that would just encourage Judy to repeat her offense. There is only one logical thing to do.

Every time I drive away from the house, that leaf blower’s going with me. Love the sinner, hate the sin.


  1. David Walker

    Just leaf me alone!

    December 29, 2015 at 11:47 am
  2. Stephanne Miller

    I have spewed coffee all over the kitchen on this one!!

    December 17, 2015 at 4:39 pm
  3. Kathleen

    Or a case of one reader’s humor deficit.
    The real problem with leaves at the curb is they can end up in storm drains and cause flooding.

    December 10, 2015 at 1:24 pm
  4. allthoughtswork

    He sat down and wrote an entire article about this? Seriously?

    The women is a tornado of responsibility and efficiency from dawn til dusk and his response is to grumble, “Well, you didn’t do that ONE thing the way I like it.” From the sounds of it, we got ourselves an acute case of guilt-induced psychological projection goin’ on here.

    December 10, 2015 at 1:13 pm
  5. Nikki

    So, WHY do you own a leaf blower??

    December 10, 2015 at 10:51 am
  6. LaFawne

    The last two sentences truly made me laugh out loud! A spouse will never abide by the rules of the gardener in the home. That is just reality!

    December 10, 2015 at 10:34 am

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