I know I shouldn’t complain. It’s the middle of December. It should be windy, raining, cold, and altogether miserable. This is how we spend the holidays in central Alabama. Instead, we’re dining al fresco and walking barefoot. And as you can see from the photo of my rhododendron above, plants are partying like it’s spring break at South Beach.
My ‘Yuletide’ and ‘Kramer’s Supreme’ camellias are blooming too. So are my Christmas rose, Lenten rose, and ‘Coral Bells’ azalea. Paper bush is ready to pop and tulip foliage is already poking up from below. Nowhere do I see a hint of utter desolation. This is quite disturbing.
Every bloom that opens prematurely now means one less flower we’ll see in spring. How will we replace the happiness their color brings? By leaving up Christmas lights through June? One of my neighbors already does this and everyone thinks she’s weird. Maybe she’s just ahead of her time.
Global warming is clearly the culprit; we have only ourselves to blame. You see, every time you and I breathe out, we exhale carbon dioxide. Carbon dioxide rises up into our atmosphere and lets in the sun’s heat, but prevents its escape. And more and more people exhale every year. It’s a worldwide addiction that’s killing the real spring.
But there’s still time to save the daffodils of March, the cherries of April, and the peonies of May. Hold your breath. You, me, all of us. If every one of the Earth’s seven billion people will make that simple commitment, we can make December as bleak and depressing as we always remember it.
Take the pledge. Hold your breath. Start at five seconds. Then hold it for ten. Go for half a minute. Before you know it, you’ll be up to a full 60 seconds. Once you cross the one minute barrier, your momentum will be unstoppable. And one by one, million by million, we’ll make the world colder. As December becomes devoid of exhalation, premature blooms will be no more.
What a grand month that will be.
Happy Holidays from Grumpy! Love You Guys!