Meet The Winners! Crepe Murder 2016

March 13, 2016 | By | Comments (9)
Crepe Murder

Submitted by Edward Barham

Not since the Alabama Powerball Jackpot surpassed a record $6 has an announcement been so eagerly anticipated. Here they are — the first batch of winners in Crepe Murder 2016! You’ll scream! You’ll faint! You’ll guzzle MD 20/20 Coco Loco by the case as you stare with disbelieving eyes at what people do to innocent crepe myrtles.

Our first winner for 2016 is Edward Barham of Portsmouth, Virginia (above), who reminds all of us that “Myrtle Lives Matter.” They do, indeed, Edward. Crepes may be plants, but they still have dreams. They still have rights. But lacking voices, they need us to speak up for them. Will you at home speak up as Edward has? It’s time to take a stand.

Crepe Murder

Submitted by Jan Sislo

When it comes to crepe murder, Jan Sislo of Dothan, Alabama takes no prisoners. Not even when the perp is her husband, Peter, who “trims” their tree each year. This frightening example shows what happens when you saw off the trunks at the same spot every year. Long, skinny whips grow from the stubs, making the plant look like an upside-down broom. The whips are also too weak to hold up the flowers and end up drooping to the ground. Shame, Mr. Sislo! Your saw has been confiscated!

Crepe Murder

Submitted by Marksfam

Our next winner is a member of the Marks family in Cartersville, Georgia, who suggests the (name redacted) church add an 11th Commandment to its sign: “Thou shalt not do this.” Even clergy, it seems, are not immune to evil deeds. But perhaps after reading this, they will repent and ask for mercy. Granted. Go and sin no more.

Crepe murder

Submitted by Jeff Minnich

Jeff Minnich of Arlington, Virginia sent us this winning photo taken near the entrance to St. Bonaventure Cemetery in Savannah, Georgia. From the way this crepe has been repeatedly mauled, it may soon be interred in the cemetery. In the meantime, it will serve its purpose to frighten little children. Jeff added the following quotation to his entry: “And the time came when the risk to remain tight in bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.” No, I can’t figure out how that applies to this photo either and suggest Jeff return to rehab immediately.

Crepe Murder

Submitted by Nancie Stover-Nicholson

Now this winning entry from Nancie Stover-Nicholson in Easley, South Carolina is truly a drive-by shooting. It looks like a Mafia hit job, doesn’t it? I can hear the Don’s voice on the other end of the late-night telephone call: “I see you still refuse to cut your crepe myrtles. How is your lovely wife? How is your little boy and girl? It would be a shame if something were to happen to them.”

Crepe murder

Submitted by Robby Winkleman

Our final winner this week comes from Robby Winkleman in Winter Garden, Florida. His caption for the photo is, “Donald Stump. Let’s make America crepe again.” Now that’s a cause we can all get behind! Imagine if this suffering crepe myrtle and all others like it were empowered to reach their full potential. It’d be YUGE, I tell you! YUGE!

Meet Grumpy back here next Sunday, March 20, to see the next batch of winners. I promise you — the best is yet to come!








  1. Patricia Carey

    It wasn’t pre-meditated murder. It was an accident!! However, I do believe the sentence to research the care and PROPER pruning of Crepe Myrtles is fair.

    March 20, 2016 at 2:02 pm
  2. Rick T.

    And what did you see, Steve? What did you see?

    Crepe myrtles. And they were screaming.

    They were slaughtering the crepe myrtles?

    And they were screaming.

    March 15, 2016 at 3:23 pm
  3. Melanie

    We moved into a new home and inherited a previously murdered crepe.

    How does one revive a previously murdered tree?

    March 14, 2016 at 2:59 pm
  4. betty johnson

    How do you trim the?

    March 14, 2016 at 11:03 am
  5. grammyg53

    “And the time came when the risk to remain tight in bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.” I understand this quote completely as it perfectly describes my life but I also understand how it applies to the photo. 😦 When I finish laughing at this post and the photos and just everystuff… I might take the time to explain. 🙂 Bloom where you are planted !!!

    March 14, 2016 at 9:22 am
  6. Deidre

    Diane Durand, you’re right about the blooms but a large part of the beauty of crepe myrtles is their (intended) tasteful, open, vase-like appearance with shapely limbs reaching gracefully toward the sky.

    March 14, 2016 at 7:15 am
  7. Diane Durand

    I have of this for years now, not to butcher the crepe myrtles. However, anytime I have seen this done by professional landscapers, like in front of subdivision entrances, city parks, shopping centers, or other city scapes, once the crepe myrtles start sprouting limbs again, and as summer hits, they have the most beautiful flowers. The trees are covered with so many flowers you can’t see the greenery practically. They have a beautiful look, almost like a weeping willow, just loaded with flowers. I on the other hand, won’t let my husband do the crepe murder deed.. and mine have just minimal blooms. I really think the crepe murderers have a point. It does make them bloom like crazy and they have beautiful round shapes too… I no longer see anything wrong with this dreaded phenomenon!

    March 13, 2016 at 10:12 pm
  8. Karen

    I’m visiting Charleston. I was so hoping this beautiful city was immune. Alas, I could cry. Butchery next to window boxes full of gorgeous flowers and foliage. It should be illegal to ruin these streets.

    March 13, 2016 at 8:59 pm
  9. Rita C at Panoply

    I am so glad you do this, Steve. Not only is your blog delivery and commentary hilarious, but it really drives the point each year and helps people at least see the errors of their ways.

    March 13, 2016 at 11:13 am

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