The Grumpy Gardener

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Grumpy Serves Up Great Fall Color

I hope you had a great fall before the Polar Vortex lowered the boom. Here at Grumpy Central in Alabama, we had a spectacular autumn. Here are just a few of the stars of the show from Grumpy’s garden and neighborhood.

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Polar Vortex, Comet Landing, and John Legend — Are the End Times Here?

All good things must come to an end. And in this case, that means our freedom. Controlled by an insidious global conspiracy, the Polar Vortex has descended from the North bringing with it the probable demise of democracy and Super Bowl Sunday.

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Coral Bark Maple — A Tree For All Seasons

Years ago, I planted twin rows of coral bark Japanese maples on each side of the path in my side yard. Every since, when I gaze at them in fall, I thank the Big Guy I did.

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Think Pink This Fall! Plant Muhly Grass

Pepto-Bismol pink may not be a traditional autumn color, but you’re going to be seeing it more and more — thanks to a spectacular native plant called pink muhly grass. It’s easy to grow and when sunlight ignites its plumes, it’s like seeing the world through rose-colored glasses.

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My Beauty Gets Her Beautyberry

Judy and I have an agreement. She’s the Queen of the House. Whatever she says about the inside goes. I’m King of the Garden. I enjoy supremacy there. But very occasionally she requests a special plant be added and the King cannot deny her. So it was this week with a shrub she liked called beautyberry.

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Why Grumpy Hates Fall Color

Why do we have amazing fall foliage one year and barfy fall color the next? Heck if I know.

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Calling All Hummingbirds! Pineapple Sage

Hummingbirds birds are on the move, either fleeing a volcanic eruption in Iceland or just heading down south for the winter. In either case, they’re looking for nectar-laden flowers to fuel their journey and keep them from dropping from the skies like little winged crullers. And here’s one plant they love — pineapple sage.

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The Rose of Fall

On a walk through the neighborhood yesterday, I came upon a glorious shrub with white, pink, and red blooms. It’s the rose of fall that’s not a rose at all.

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No Acorns Means No Squirrels — I’m Good With That

I have this big chestnut oak in my back yard that drops about a ton of big, meaty acorns in fall that squirrels relish. However, a brief examination of the tree yesterday revealed very few acorns this year. Without this vital food source, those fluffy-tailed rats might starve. Aw, nuts.

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Real Men Eat Salads

Many of you probably think Grumpy hunts and devours live animals. Well, he used to, until his wife convinced him to eat a more healthy diet. So here is Grumpy’s new freshly planted salad garden. Not only will its leaves supply lots of Vitamins, minerals, and fiber, but unlike animals they will not struggle while being harvested.

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