more about: Crepe Myrtle

Should I Prune Off Crepe Myrtle Seeds?

Most people find the prospect of pruning only slightly less frightening than Carrie Fisher reprising her role as Princess Leia in the latest “Star Wars.” And one pruning question weighs upon them more than any other at this time of year. Should I prune off the seeds from my crepe myrtle?

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Why Won’t My Crepe Myrtle Bloom?

Right now, no one in the South cares about the meaning of life, sea level rise, or whether Beyonce will have another baby. (Yes.) All they want to know is how come my stupid crepe myrtle isn’t blooming while all of my neighbor’s are? There, there, don’t pop an artery. Let Grumpy help.

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Wahoo! You Have Powdery Mildew

It’s a wonderful morning in a heretofore wonderful world. You walk out to your garden, only to discover to your shame and horror that some miscreant has confused it with a baby’s bottom and showered Johnson’s Baby Powder all over your plants.

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Are There Zombie Trees?

Why are zombie shows so popular on TV? Is it because everyone admires Dick Cheney’s life story? I think it’s because the people who play zombies don’t really have to act. All they have to do is talk unintelligibly, walk like penguins, and get their heads blown off. Easy gig. But what about trees and other plants? Can they come […]

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I Told You Not To Do This!

Sometimes when I condemn crepe murder, people only think about the grisly carnage left immediately after the crime is committed. They forget about the disaster that’s looming when the tree starts growing back and gets ready to bloom. Here’s a photo I took this week in my neighborhood of exactly the horror each murderer can expect. People with sensitive stomachs […]

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What Should I Prune Now? Grumpy Cuts to the Chase

Pruning is one garden task that scares the All-Bran out of people. They’re afraid that if they prune something at the wrong time, they’ll ruin it, kill it, or look like a dolt. Relax, my children. The Grump is here to help.

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Cut Your Losses — Time to Prune Winter-Damaged Plants

Hope springs eternal in the garden. Your shrub or tree should have put out leaves a month ago, yet its stems remain bare. Did it just forget spring is almost over? Did it decide to sleep in? Do plants sometimes skip a year? Nope, nope, and nope. Sorry, but it’s time to cut your losses.

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Crepe Murder 2014 — Sweet Home Alabama

Alabama leads the nations in strokes and Grumpy almost had one when he viewed this, our final winner in Crepe Murder 2014. This, my friends, represents no momentary lapse of reason. No, this hack job results from years of carefully considered sadism.

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Crepe Murder 2014 — Stumped Again!

Why do people do this? It truly stumps the Grump. Folks take a beautiful crepe myrtle with wonderful, chestnut-brown brown bark and in less than an hour transform it into a multiple amputee.

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Crepe Murder 2014 — Caught in the Act!

Has this happened to you? One day, you have a beautiful tree growing in front of your house. Then out of the blue, a mysterious truck appears. A person gets out and looks at your tree. You think, “That’s weird,” but since life is weird in general, you forget about it and go about your business. The next time you […]

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