more about: Crepe Myrtle

Grumpy’s 32 Tips For 32 Years

Today marks the start of Grumpy’s 33rd year of not being fired from Southern Living. I know, I know — how could any organization overlook more than three decades of sarcasm, bad taste, poor judgment, and blatant snarkiness? I still remember my first day on the job. I was 10 and had to sit on what was called a “telephone […]

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Does This Look Good To You?

Ask someone why they just chopped their crepe myrtle into stumps and they’ll usually say, “They bloom better when you prune.” OK, then. This one was pruned. Do you like the way it looks?

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Prune Crepe Myrtle Like Your Dogwood

A reader writes asking a familiar question: “My crepe myrtle grows so huge on the top and blooms like crazy, but the bottom doesn’t seem to be keeping up with the top. It really looks top-heavy. Am I doing something wrong? What should I do?”

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Prune Out Your Dead!

Readers are besieging Grumpy with frantic questions about trees and shrubs that don’t look right. Some have branches that haven’t leafed out. Some have bare branches and are sprouting only from the base. And some show no signs of life at all. “Why is this happening and what should I do?” they ask.

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How To Fix Crepe Murder

Southerners are fixated on crepe myrtles — mainly because they butchered so many this winter and now want them fixed. Following Crepe Murder 2015, scores of pitiful emails from crepe criminals needing their consciences scrubbed flooded Grumpy’s email box. “Have I killed my crepe myrtle?” they ask. “Is there any way to fix what I did?” No, you probably haven’t […]

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Crepe Murder Or Death Wish? It’s Stupid Either Way

OK, I promised you the most idiotic example of crepe murder I’ve ever seen and here it is. This guy is standing high in the air atop the stumps of a crepe myrtle he’s already cut and finishing off the rest. With a chain saw!

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Crepe Murder 2015 — Don’t Let ‘Em Grow Up to Be Trees, Boys

Some years ago, a woman approached my wife, Judy, in our front yard and asked when we were going to prune our crepe myrtles. When Judy replied, “We’re not,” the woman gaped in astonishment. “You’re not going to cut them?” she asked. “You’re going to just let them grow wild?”

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Open Season on Crepe Myrtles

Have you ever heard someone say that a plant has to “earn” its way in the garden? Well, here’s one tree that has definitely taken that notion to heart — with the aid of a manic store owner in Wilmington, North Carolina armed with a pair of loppers. Really, what better use can there be for a crepe myrtle than […]

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Crepe Murder Winners #6 & #7 — Shooting You The Bird

Sometimes when you witness a horrific example of crepe murder, you have a hard time deciding what the perp was thinking. That certainly isn’t the case here. Grumpy knows exactly what statement he was making, only propriety prevents me from spelling it out. Let’s just say it’s nothing like, “Have a nice day.”

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Crepe Murder Winner #5 — The Circles of Death

Most neighborhoods ban front yard cemeteries, but not this one in Summerville, South Carolina! In fact, Summervillians can lay to rest loved ones right by the street for all to remember and mourn. How many more deaths will it take till they know that too many crepe myrtles have died? The answer, says Bob Dylan, is blowing in the wind. […]

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