Fine, St. Patrick drove all the snakes out of Ireland. Now could he just drive all the pruners, loppers, and saws out of THIS country? Because it seems that once again, bored husbands fortified by gallons of green beer are celebrating the day by mutilating crepe myrtles. And the trees don’t exactly feel lucky.
Postal workers are under a lot of stress these days. People pay their bills online, no one leaves letter carriers tips in the mailbox at Christmas anymore, and Saturday delivery is about to end. So it’s not surprising that someone at a rural South Carolina post office snapped this winter — and took it out on a defenseless crepe myrtle.
I don’t know what’s the leading industry in Hinesville, Georgia, but I’m thinking it might be making walking canes for the infirm. Only in Hinesville, they don’t manufacture them at a factory. No, they send someone out in the dead of night with a good pair of loppers in search of a lone crepe myrtle. Wow, and to think that […]
There are simply no words — no words to describe the sickening horror felt by Helen Yoest of Raleigh, North Carolina when she chanced upon this grisly crime scene. A family of innocent crepe myrtles, dismembered and mutilated, shrieked to the heavens in pain. Their severed limbs lay before them in a shallow grave, denied even the dignity of a […]
You’ve snoozed through the Super Bowl, slumbered through the Grammies, and snored through the Oscars. No event could match the incredible rush you felt during last year’s Crepe Murder Contest. So rejoice, all ye inhabitants of Earth! The Crepe Murder Contest is back! And it’s time to announce the winners for 2013!!! Are you ready?
I was taking the scenic route to work this morning, past the county landfill, when this horrifying sight appeared. Two formerly lovely trees were chopped into ugly stumps. “Crepe murder most foul!!!!!!!!!!!” I screamed. “How can this still be happening?”
Where did winter go? Well, for most of us in the South, it was never here. And with the spring thaw nearly upon us, it’s time to ask yourself — is my garden ready for spring? Surely, no question in the world is more important. The following checklist will get you off to a good start.
Surprise! Surprise! Surprise! It’s 2013, the world didn’t end after all, which means another wacky season of crepe murder is upon us. That’s right! So many of you loved and participated in Grumpy’s last two contests that Crepe Murder 2013 starts today. Here’s how you can shame the villains and win a cool prize!