more about: Crepe Myrtle

Crepe Murder 2014 — Taking Care of Business

When you pull off of the interstate at this Alabama rest stop, you’re not the only one taking care of business. So are your highly trained state employees who don’t let common sense or measurable brain activity stand in the way of reducing crepe myrtles to stumps the size of rabbits.

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Crepe Murder 2014 — California Screaming

With apologies to the Beach Boys: “Well, the West Coast peeps are hip, they wouldn’t murder all their trees. They wouldn’t take a saw to a crepe myrtle row and cut them all off at the knees.” Whoops! It appears crepe murder is alive and well on the Left Coast. From Elk Grove, California, here’s winner #6!

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Crepe Murder 2014 — All Flags At Half Mast

Crepe Murder 2014 is a national tragedy not only for the innocent trees so brutally attacked, but also for the many people who suffer permanent psychological scarring from witnessing these crimes. In honor of these victims, both wooden and flesh, Grumpy asks that all Americans lower Old Glory to half mast today.

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Crepe Murder 2014 — Oh, the Humanity!

The person responsible for this mass crepe murder in McComb, Mississippi obviously believes any crime worth committing is worth committing 50 times. Imagine the joy he must have torturing one innocent crepe myrtle a day for nearly two months! And so we present you with winner #4 in Crepe Murder 2014.

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Crepe Murder 2014 — How to Curb Your Appeal

Your local power company knows all about curb appeal. How else could it do exactly what it takes to completely eliminate it time after time? In this case, it took a chainsaw to a double row of crepe myrtles planted to beautify a street in Jacksonville, Florida. For sending Grumpy this excellent example of suburban uglification, Linda Burns is our […]

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Crepe Murder 2014 — A Model of Hideousness

Welcome to Crepe Murder 2014, our celebration of the most boneheaded attempts at pruning crepe myrtles from the past year! This year, the competition was so fierce and the entries so bizarre that we couldn’t have just 10 winners. We had to have 13. So it is with great pride for the reporting and great sadness for the plant that […]

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Death by Pruning — Crepe Murder 2014!!

Faithful readers, lend me your ears, your eyes, and your cameras! Once again, it is time to turn the Spotlight of Shame on the ugliest, most pernicious, and inexplicably popular practice plaguing gardens today — crepe murder.

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Coming Soon! Crepe Murder 2014!

You’ve fidgeted through the football season, groaned through the Golden Globes, and doodled through “Downton Abbey.” HOW MUCH LONGER MUST WE WAIT? you bellow from your recliner. Fear not, faithful reader! Grumpy’s Crepe Murder Contest 2014 is only weeks away! Start looking for horrors right now!

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Light Up Your Crepe Myrtle!

Art lovers spend fortunes every year traveling to such famous museums as the Louvre in Paris, the Prado in Madrid, the Getty in Los Angeles, and the Vatican in Rome. This makes no sense, as they could simply travel to my house instead to see the world’s finest sculpture for free. To wit — I’ve lit my crepe myrtle for […]

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Power Company Pruning — Part II

Well, it’s been an eventful couple of days since I returned from vacation to find my sugar maple and crepe myrtle butchered by the power company. Grumpy met yesterday with John Morris, a certified arborist and registered forester with Alabama Power, to see if we could come to a mutually satisfactory solution.

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