more about: Crepe Myrtle

Death by Pruning — Crepe Murder 2014!!

Faithful readers, lend me your ears, your eyes, and your cameras! Once again, it is time to turn the Spotlight of Shame on the ugliest, most pernicious, and inexplicably popular practice plaguing gardens today — crepe murder.

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Coming Soon! Crepe Murder 2014!

You’ve fidgeted through the football season, groaned through the Golden Globes, and doodled through “Downton Abbey.” HOW MUCH LONGER MUST WE WAIT? you bellow from your recliner. Fear not, faithful reader! Grumpy’s Crepe Murder Contest 2014 is only weeks away! Start looking for horrors right now!

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Light Up Your Crepe Myrtle!

Art lovers spend fortunes every year traveling to such famous museums as the Louvre in Paris, the Prado in Madrid, the Getty in Los Angeles, and the Vatican in Rome. This makes no sense, as they could simply travel to my house instead to see the world’s finest sculpture for free. To wit — I’ve lit my crepe myrtle for […]

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Power Company Pruning — Part II

Well, it’s been an eventful couple of days since I returned from vacation to find my sugar maple and crepe myrtle butchered by the power company. Grumpy met yesterday with John Morris, a certified arborist and registered forester with Alabama Power, to see if we could come to a mutually satisfactory solution.

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Power Company Assassins Murder My Trees

Call it “The Alabama Chainsaw Massacre.” I was on my way home from a week’s vacation in Paris (yes, it was fantastic, merci!) when I received word that earlier that day, the power company had come through, marched into my yard, and cut my trees. My heart sank. I had planted these trees 20 years ago — one, a sugar […]

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What’s Wrong With My Crepe Myrtle? 4 Common Problems

Crepe myrtles are for the most part trouble-free. That’s why lazy slobs like Grumpy like them so much. But certain problems do crop up in summer that make you want to pull out the magnifying glass and burn some ants. Here are some of the most common problems and what to do about them.

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Crepe Murder Redux — I Told You Not to Do This!

Remember back in winter and spring when Grumpy told you not to butcher your crepe myrtle? Well, it’s summer now and the chickens have come home to roost. Guess what you get when you ignore Grumpy’s advice. This.

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Plant A Smaller Crepe Myrtle This Year

Why do people murder crepe myrtles? No, it’s not too much Neanderthal DNA. It’s that the variety of crepe myrtle they planted got way too big. Here’s a guide to which crepe myrtles won’t outgrow your house or yard, so you won’t have to chop them grotesquely each year.

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Crepe Murder 2013 — Take Me To Your Leader

All good things must come to an end. So must all awe-inspiring, game-changing, milestone-making, totally transcendent things. Behold the 12th and final winner of Crepe Murder 2013!

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Crepe Murder 2013 — Great Clips

Look at this expertly cropped crepe myrtle. You might expect to pay $50, $100, or even $1,000 to enjoy a coiffed crepe like this one at your home. But if you act now, we’ll charge you only $7.99! Now, that’s a deal! 

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