Remember back in winter and spring when Grumpy told you not to butcher your crepe myrtle? Well, it’s summer now and the chickens have come home to roost. Guess what you get when you ignore Grumpy’s advice. This.
Why do people murder crepe myrtles? No, it’s not too much Neanderthal DNA. It’s that the variety of crepe myrtle they planted got way too big. Here’s a guide to which crepe myrtles won’t outgrow your house or yard, so you won’t have to chop them grotesquely each year.
Look at this expertly cropped crepe myrtle. You might expect to pay $50, $100, or even $1,000 to enjoy a coiffed crepe like this one at your home. But if you act now, we’ll charge you only $7.99! Now, that’s a deal!
Every year, when I rant on about crepe murder, I don’t know whether I’m sowing seeds among the stones or preaching to the choir. Look at these poor, mutilated trees with arms raised to the heavens begging for mercy. Crepe murder is not only a crime, but a sin. Can I get an “Amen!” from the congregation?
Have you been watching Fox’s new hit show, “The Following?” It’s about psycho Joe Carroll and his merry band of serial killers who commit unspeakable crimes because, well, it’s fun. The series is set in Richmond, Virginia. And if you think it’s all make-believe, the photo above recently taken in Richmond could change your mind.
Ahhh!! Springtime! The birds are chirping, the Bradford pears are blooming, squirrels are building nests in your attic, and it’s raining during spring break at the beach. What better time to murder your crepe myrtle? Don’t be the last on your street!
Fine, St. Patrick drove all the snakes out of Ireland. Now could he just drive all the pruners, loppers, and saws out of THIS country? Because it seems that once again, bored husbands fortified by gallons of green beer are celebrating the day by mutilating crepe myrtles. And the trees don’t exactly feel lucky.
Postal workers are under a lot of stress these days. People pay their bills online, no one leaves letter carriers tips in the mailbox at Christmas anymore, and Saturday delivery is about to end. So it’s not surprising that someone at a rural South Carolina post office snapped this winter — and took it out on a defenseless crepe myrtle.