more about: Crepe Myrtle

The Grumpy Gardener

Crepe Murder 2013 — The Cane Mutiny

March 10, 2013 | By Steve Bender | Comments (2)

I don’t know what’s the leading industry in Hinesville, Georgia, but I’m thinking it might be making walking canes for the infirm. Only in Hinesville, they don’t manufacture them at a factory. No, they send someone out in the dead of night with a good pair of loppers in search of a lone crepe myrtle. Wow, and to think that […]

The Grumpy Gardener

Crepe Murder 2013 — Please, A Moment of Silence

March 8, 2013 | By Steve Bender | Comments (13)

There are simply no words — no words to describe the sickening horror felt by Helen Yoest of Raleigh, North Carolina when she chanced upon this grisly crime scene. A family of innocent crepe myrtles, dismembered and mutilated, shrieked to the heavens in pain. Their severed limbs lay before them in a shallow grave, denied even the dignity of a […]

The Grumpy Gardener

Crepe Murder 2013 — Grumpy’s Best of the Worst!

March 7, 2013 | By Steve Bender | Comments (0)

You’ve snoozed through the Super Bowl, slumbered through the Grammies, and snored through the Oscars. No event could match the incredible rush you felt during last year’s Crepe Murder Contest. So rejoice, all ye inhabitants of Earth! The Crepe Murder Contest is back! And it’s time to announce the winners for 2013!!! Are you ready?

The Grumpy Gardener

Crepe Murder Contest Deadline Looms! Make Them Pay!

February 21, 2013 | By Steve Bender | Comments (14)

I was taking the scenic route to work this morning, past the county landfill, when this horrifying sight appeared. Two formerly lovely trees were chopped into ugly stumps. “Crepe murder most foul!!!!!!!!!!!” I screamed. “How can this still be happening?”

The Grumpy Gardener

Are You Ready For Spring?

January 31, 2013 | By Steve Bender | Comments (9)

Where did winter go? Well, for most of us in the South, it was never here. And with the spring thaw nearly upon us, it’s time to ask yourself — is my garden ready for spring? Surely, no question in the world is more important. The following checklist will get you off to a good start.

The Grumpy Gardener

Enter Grumpy’s 3rd Annual Crepe Murder Contest!

January 3, 2013 | By Steve Bender | Comments (22)

Surprise! Surprise! Surprise! It’s 2013, the world didn’t end after all, which means another wacky season of crepe murder is upon us. That’s right! So many of you loved and participated in Grumpy’s last two contests that Crepe Murder 2013 starts today. Here’s how you can shame the villains and win a cool prize!

The Grumpy Gardener

Why Is My Crepe Myrtle Dropping Leaves?

October 11, 2012 | By Steve Bender | Comments (3)

Question from Desperate Reader: I have two red crepe myrtle trees. Both started dropping leaves in midsummer and are now almost bare. I sprayed them with fungicide during the humid months, but they never did rebound. Any suggestions?

The Grumpy Gardener

Question of the Week — Why Hasn’t My Crepe Myrtle Bloomed?

August 30, 2012 | By Steve Bender | Comments (10)

Solutions to Matters of Great Import Provided Here Free-of-Charge Q: My crepe myrtle bloomed great last year. But this year, it hardly has any blooms at all, even though it looks healthy. Why? Bo Dacious

The Grumpy Gardener

Timely Garden Tasks for August — Prune, Hydrate, Stay Alive

August 14, 2012 | By Steve Bender | Comments (9)

Prune off the round green seed pods of crepe myrtles now. This will help drooping branches stand up straighter, plus you may get a second crop of flowers in fall!

The Grumpy Gardener

What’s That White Stuff On My Crepe Myrtle?

June 11, 2012 | By Steve Bender | Comments (10)

For years, I’ve been railing against crepe murder — that odious practice of chopping down crepe myrtles into ugly, thick stumps each spring — and many of you have wisely listened. Some of you, however, persist in this cretinous pursuit and now you’re paying the price. Not in just hideous, chopped trees. You’re seeing your crepes covered with this weird, […]

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