more about: Humor

The Grumpy Gardener

Buy This Planter & Save Your Marriage!

May 9, 2013 | By Steve Bender | Comments (1)

On five days a year – Christmas, Valentine’s, your anniversary, your spouse’s birthday, and Mother’s Day — men’s lives hang by the teeniest of threads. Forget a gift to mark the occasion and you’re deader than the market for rotary phones. Grumpy can’t help you with the first four days, but has a great idea for Mother’s Day — our […]

The Grumpy Gardener

Alas! The Bandit Squirrel

May 2, 2013 | By Steve Bender | Comments (10)

It’s no secret that Grumpy hates pesky, good-for-nothing, freeloading squirrels. And I know that you do too. With our common disgust in mind, let’s enjoy this clever squirrel poem sent in by reader Susanne Bunch.

The Grumpy Gardener

Crepe Murder 2013 — Take Me To Your Leader

April 7, 2013 | By Steve Bender | Comments (7)

All good things must come to an end. So must all awe-inspiring, game-changing, milestone-making, totally transcendent things. Behold the 12th and final winner of Crepe Murder 2013!

The Grumpy Gardener

Crepe Murder 2013 — Great Clips

April 4, 2013 | By Steve Bender | Comments (0)

Look at this expertly cropped crepe myrtle. You might expect to pay $50, $100, or even $1,000 to enjoy a coiffed crepe like this one at your home. But if you act now, we’ll charge you only $7.99! Now, that’s a deal!

The Grumpy Gardener

Crepe Murder 2013 — Lawdy, Lawdy, Lawdy!

March 31, 2013 | By Steve Bender | Comments (1)

Every year, when I rant on about crepe murder, I don’t know whether I’m sowing seeds among the stones or preaching to the choir. Look at these poor, mutilated trees with arms raised to the heavens begging for mercy. Crepe murder is not only a crime, but a sin. Can I get an “Amen!” from the congregation?

The Grumpy Gardener

Crepe Murder 2013 — Serial Killers

March 28, 2013 | By Steve Bender | Comments (2)

Have you been watching Fox’s new hit show, “The Following?” It’s about psycho Joe Carroll and his merry band of serial killers who commit unspeakable crimes because, well, it’s fun. The series is set in Richmond, Virginia. And if you think it’s all make-believe, the photo above recently taken in Richmond could change your mind.

The Grumpy Gardener

Crepe Murder 2013 — 80 Years of Bad Hair

March 24, 2013 | By Steve Bender | Comments (0)

Ahhh!! Springtime! The birds are chirping, the Bradford pears are blooming, squirrels are building nests in your attic, and it’s raining during spring break at the beach. What better time to murder your crepe myrtle? Don’t be the last on your street!

The Grumpy Gardener

Crepe Murder 2013 — Stumped Again!

March 21, 2013 | By Steve Bender | Comments (3)

Grumpy isn’t sure whether this is a photo of a crepe myrtle or a hitching post. But you can tie up your horse to it anyway, because it is winner #7 in Crepe Murder 2013!

The Grumpy Gardener

Crepe Murder 2013 — St. Patty’s Day Massacre

March 17, 2013 | By Steve Bender | Comments (2)

Fine, St. Patrick drove all the snakes out of Ireland. Now could he just drive all the pruners, loppers, and saws out of THIS country? Because it seems that once again, bored husbands fortified by gallons of green beer are celebrating the day by mutilating crepe myrtles. And the trees don’t exactly feel lucky.

The Grumpy Gardener

Crepe Myrtle 2013 — Gone Postal

March 14, 2013 | By Steve Bender | Comments (1)

Postal workers are under a lot of stress these days. People pay their bills online, no one leaves letter carriers tips in the mailbox at Christmas anymore, and Saturday delivery is about to end. So it’s not surprising that someone at a rural South Carolina post office snapped this winter — and took it out on a defenseless crepe myrtle.

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