more about: Humor

OMG! Look What They Did to This Amaryllis!

Do you think that plants have feelings? Then you might not want to read any further. On the other hand, if watching a bulb bloom its heart out for you shortly before it breathes its last makes your day, do I have the perfect holiday present for you! An amaryllis bulb coated in colorful wax!

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Christmas Gifts From My Heart

With only two weeks to go until your favorite day to shower Grumpy with gifts, Grumpy has more outstanding garden gift ideas for you to bestow on your loved ones. Get your credit card ready!

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All She Wants For Christmas Is Blue Orchids and Poo!

Christmas brings joy, but it can also bring pain–especially if someone in your family is so insensitive and self-absorbed they never give you what you want. Show those people the error of their ways with these excellent garden gifts chosen by Grumpy.

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You Make Grumpy Grateful

Grumpy has a lot to be grateful for. Nobel Prize. Pulitzer Prize. Congressional Medal of Freedom. Bringing peace to war-torn Aruba. Never once been mistaken for Bruce Jenner. Yet he is thankful for one thing above all else.

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Grow Your Own Turkey This Year

“Eat fresh, eat local” may be the mantra of foodies today, but not when it come to the year’s greatest feast, Thanksgiving. Too many people still rely on frozen, store-bought turkeys, denying themselves the pleasure of a succulent, richly flavored, home-grown bird. Growing a turkey is easy, fun, and cheap! Here’s how to do it. Step 1 — Select Good […]

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Polar Vortex, Comet Landing, and John Legend — Are the End Times Here?

All good things must come to an end. And in this case, that means our freedom. Controlled by an insidious global conspiracy, the Polar Vortex has descended from the North bringing with it the probable demise of democracy and Super Bowl Sunday.

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5 Southern Delicacies That You Love & I Hate

  Friends of Southern Living, please sit down, for I have shocking news. I hate raw tomatoes, as well as four other iconic Southern foods.

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Don’t Eat Dirt

No matter the hobby or avocation, all of us benefit from the guidance of mentors in order to achieve success. In that vein, Grumpy shall never forget the best gardening advice he ever received. His mother told him, “Don’t eat dirt.”

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Be A Patriot! Plant Poison Ivy

Faithful readers, for Independence Day I extol the virtues of a truly All-American plant. It is native, easy to grow, feeds our wildlife, and loves Amurica! Some say it even cures illnesses. I speak, of course, of your friend and mine, our beloved poison ivy.

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Are There Zombie Trees?

Why are zombie shows so popular on TV? Is it because everyone admires Dick Cheney’s life story? I think it’s because the people who play zombies don’t really have to act. All they have to do is talk unintelligibly, walk like penguins, and get their heads blown off. Easy gig. But what about trees and other plants? Can they come […]

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