more about: Humor

Be A Patriot! Plant Poison Ivy

Faithful readers, for Independence Day I extol the virtues of a truly All-American plant. It is native, easy to grow, feeds our wildlife, and loves Amurica! Some say it even cures illnesses. I speak, of course, of your friend and mine, our beloved poison ivy.

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Are There Zombie Trees?

Why are zombie shows so popular on TV? Is it because everyone admires Dick Cheney’s life story? I think it’s because the people who play zombies don’t really have to act. All they have to do is talk unintelligibly, walk like penguins, and get their heads blown off. Easy gig. But what about trees and other plants? Can they come […]

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Diana’s Favorite Flower

The late Princess Diana may not have been Southern, but her grace, style, and concern for others certainly made her our kindred spirit. Memories of Diana fill our hearts, but how many of them fill our gardens? See if you can guess which one of the following was Diana’s favorite flower. You might be growing it!

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Grumpy Falls Ill, Blames Ukraine

Faithful readers, Grumpy is committed to providing you with the most up-to-date, need-to-know horticultural info 24-7-364. (I take one day off for the Super Bowl.) But apparently, certain political groups feel threatened by my supremacy and have taken it upon themselves to secretly ease me out of the picture. I discovered the truth yesterday when I felt a certain loss […]

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Crepe Murder 2014 — Sweet Home Alabama

Alabama leads the nations in strokes and Grumpy almost had one when he viewed this, our final winner in Crepe Murder 2014. This, my friends, represents no momentary lapse of reason. No, this hack job results from years of carefully considered sadism.

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Crepe Murder 2014 — Stumped Again!

Why do people do this? It truly stumps the Grump. Folks take a beautiful crepe myrtle with wonderful, chestnut-brown brown bark and in less than an hour transform it into a multiple amputee.

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Crepe Murder 2014 — Caught in the Act!

Has this happened to you? One day, you have a beautiful tree growing in front of your house. Then out of the blue, a mysterious truck appears. A person gets out and looks at your tree. You think, “That’s weird,” but since life is weird in general, you forget about it and go about your business. The next time you […]

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Crepe Murder 2014 — Ask the Professionals!

Why do people murder their crepe myrtles? True, some conjure up this loony idea all by themselves. By and large, however, folks just follow the fine example set by the “professionals.” Does the scene above seem horribly familiar?

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Crepe Murder 2014 — Taking Care of Business

When you pull off of the interstate at this Alabama rest stop, you’re not the only one taking care of business. So are your highly trained state employees who don’t let common sense or measurable brain activity stand in the way of reducing crepe myrtles to stumps the size of rabbits.

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Crepe Murder 2014 — California Screaming

With apologies to the Beach Boys: “Well, the West Coast peeps are hip, they wouldn’t murder all their trees. They wouldn’t take a saw to a crepe myrtle row and cut them all off at the knees.” Whoops! It appears crepe murder is alive and well on the Left Coast. From Elk Grove, California, here’s winner #6!

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