more about: Humor

Grumpy Falls Ill, Blames Ukraine

Faithful readers, Grumpy is committed to providing you with the most up-to-date, need-to-know horticultural info 24-7-364. (I take one day off for the Super Bowl.) But apparently, certain political groups feel threatened by my supremacy and have taken it upon themselves to secretly ease me out of the picture. I discovered the truth yesterday when I felt a certain loss […]

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Crepe Murder 2014 — Sweet Home Alabama

Alabama leads the nations in strokes and Grumpy almost had one when he viewed this, our final winner in Crepe Murder 2014. This, my friends, represents no momentary lapse of reason. No, this hack job results from years of carefully considered sadism.

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Crepe Murder 2014 — Stumped Again!

Why do people do this? It truly stumps the Grump. Folks take a beautiful crepe myrtle with wonderful, chestnut-brown brown bark and in less than an hour transform it into a multiple amputee.

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Crepe Murder 2014 — Caught in the Act!

Has this happened to you? One day, you have a beautiful tree growing in front of your house. Then out of the blue, a mysterious truck appears. A person gets out and looks at your tree. You think, “That’s weird,” but since life is weird in general, you forget about it and go about your business. The next time you […]

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Crepe Murder 2014 — Ask the Professionals!

Why do people murder their crepe myrtles? True, some conjure up this loony idea all by themselves. By and large, however, folks just follow the fine example set by the “professionals.” Does the scene above seem horribly familiar?

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Crepe Murder 2014 — Taking Care of Business

When you pull off of the interstate at this Alabama rest stop, you’re not the only one taking care of business. So are your highly trained state employees who don’t let common sense or measurable brain activity stand in the way of reducing crepe myrtles to stumps the size of rabbits.

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Crepe Murder 2014 — California Screaming

With apologies to the Beach Boys: “Well, the West Coast peeps are hip, they wouldn’t murder all their trees. They wouldn’t take a saw to a crepe myrtle row and cut them all off at the knees.” Whoops! It appears crepe murder is alive and well on the Left Coast. From Elk Grove, California, here’s winner #6!

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Crepe Murder 2014 — All Flags At Half Mast

Crepe Murder 2014 is a national tragedy not only for the innocent trees so brutally attacked, but also for the many people who suffer permanent psychological scarring from witnessing these crimes. In honor of these victims, both wooden and flesh, Grumpy asks that all Americans lower Old Glory to half mast today.

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Crepe Murder 2014 — Oh, the Humanity!

The person responsible for this mass crepe murder in McComb, Mississippi obviously believes any crime worth committing is worth committing 50 times. Imagine the joy he must have torturing one innocent crepe myrtle a day for nearly two months! And so we present you with winner #4 in Crepe Murder 2014.

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Crepe Murder 2014 — How to Curb Your Appeal

Your local power company knows all about curb appeal. How else could it do exactly what it takes to completely eliminate it time after time? In this case, it took a chainsaw to a double row of crepe myrtles planted to beautify a street in Jacksonville, Florida. For sending Grumpy this excellent example of suburban uglification, Linda Burns is our […]

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