more about: Humor

7 Things You Must Know About Stupid Squirrels

Squirrels are the bane of human existence. Everyone accepts this. Yet many are unaware of crucial issues related to dealing with these insufferable fluff-rats that can hopefully one day lead to their total annihilation. Therefore, Grumpy answers seven critical questions that millions of squirrel-haters are asking today.

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Five Truly Awful Garden Gifts

There are less than five shopping days until Christmas. You’re really stuck for gift ideas for that special gardener in your life. Lucky you! You came to the one site that will honestly say that sometimes no gift is better than a really stupid one. Avoid these five gifts at all costs.

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Never Leave Your Wife With The Leaf Blower

Dear readers, you know that for years Grumpy has railed against the senseless and short-sighted act of raking or blowing fall leaves to the curb to be hauled off by the city to landfills. He has championed the environmentally friendly alternative of chopping them up with the lawn mower and turning them into compost to enrich your garden’s soil. Yet […]

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Bugs — If You Can’t Beat ‘Em, Eat ‘Em

As you’re preparing this Thanksgiving’s menu, don’t overlook unique side dishes that will make your feast the most memorable of all. Forget the cliche mashed potatoes, green bean casserole, stuffing, cranberry sauce, congealed salad, and other boring sides you’ve suffered through decade after decade. This year, let’s feature a renewable food source that’s inexpensive, highly nutritious, and will have your […]

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Behold The Man-Eating Mum

In what appears to be the first case of its kind, forensic investigators have determined that a gardener missing for two days was consumed by a giant chrysanthemum. “Human predation by fall-blooming perennials has long been stuff of legend, but never proven until now,” says lead investigator, Sam O’Nella. “But the DNA evidence is conclusive. The unfortunate victim is now […]

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6 Rules For the Greatest Christmas Lights Ever!

Halloween is over and you know what that means. It’s time to put up Christmas lights! With less than two months to go before this blessed holiday, you don’t want to cheat your kids and neighbors out of a single second of joyous spectacle. To make sure your display is both cheery AND tasteful, I’ve consulted our young corps of […]

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Why Monarch Butterflies Are Doomed

Remember when monarch butterflies filled the skies, flitting from flower to flower? Nowadays, you hardly see any, and environmentalists are very concerned. They say that unless things change, this beautiful creature may┬ávery well be the first insect to go extinct in our lifetimes. The trouble is, they keep pointing to the wrong cause. These misguided scientists attribute the drastic decline […]

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Why I Hate Fall by Judy Bender

And you thought I was grumpy. I have just been informed by my lovely wife, Judy, that fall is her least favorite season. “I hate fall,” she states as I start to feel faint. Grumpy LOVES fall! How can anyone hate it? Here are her reasons.

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Practically Fool-Proof Persimmons

Remember growing up with native persimmon, the tree whose orange fruit if picked and eaten too early in fall would make you pucker up like Presidential candidates during the visit of Pope Francis? Well, I’m here to tell you about a better persimmon that is so easy to grow, so pretty, and so productive that everyone who can grow it […]

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Gardening At 100 Degrees — 5 Hot Tips for Summer Survival

It’s August — the absolute worst month in the South to be a snowman, and not so great for a gardener either. You can’t stand to be outside and yet your plants need you. As you look out upon a melted mush of flowers and bushes, you may well remember the first day you planted them and ponder, “What the […]

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