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Dumb Fun — Electric Bug Zappers

A crackling flame lit up Harvey’s chortling face from ear to beer. “Woooo, Vern, did you see that one?” he called to his buddy sucking down another Bud Light. “Man, looked just like a dang grease fire. Think we just fried a bat!”

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Miracle Cure For Chigger Bites!

Grumpy’s readers have confirmed it! Well, at least two of them have! When chigger bites torture you, stop the itch immediately by wetting them with blue Listerine! And all you thought it was good for was gingivitis and bad breath!

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Are Epsom Salts Really Good For Plants?

Of all of the old wives’ tales swirling around the gardensphere, the magical ability of Epsom salts to goose your plants into a Nirvana of health and vigor ranks as #1. Plant not blooming? Give it Epsom salts. Plant not growing? Epsom salts. Plant singing off-key? Epsom salts.

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Grumpy’s Crystal Ball Reveals New Gardening Trends for 2016

Grumpy’s gift for prognostication never fails to awe his faithful readers. As Fanny Aster of Hoppy Toad, Kentucky puts it, “He can see into the future with both eyes closed.” Once again, the Oracle of Opelika graciously shares his gift of augury with the legion of curious Fannies who depend on his foresight with the following bold predictions for Gardening […]

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Five Truly Awful Garden Gifts

There are less than five shopping days until Christmas. You’re really stuck for gift ideas for that special gardener in your life. Lucky you! You came to the one site that will honestly say that sometimes no gift is better than a really stupid one. Avoid these five gifts at all costs.

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What’s That Black Gunk On My Plant?

Just when it’s nice to go out and explore the garden again, you discover that your gardenia, crepe myrtle, and other plants have this ugly, black gunk plastered all over the leaves and stems. Did some maniac get loose with the roofing tar?

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Control Those Dang Tree Suckers!

Faithful Texas reader Carolyn White planted live oaks 39 years ago. Her trees are very big now and suckers keep coming up from the roots. She wants to know if there is any product she can use to keep the suckers from sprouting without harming her trees.┬áThe answer is…….perhaps. But before deciding which product to use or whether to use […]

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5 Dumb and Smart Ways to Deal With Stumps

If you have big trees, sooner or later one is going to croak, forcing you to cut it down to a stump. What should you do with this stump? Leave it, remove it, donate it to charity? Here are five options. Some make good sense, some make little sense, and some show whoever tries them has no sense at all.

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Grumpy’s 32 Tips For 32 Years

Today marks the start of Grumpy’s 33rd year of not being fired from Southern Living. I know, I know — how could any organization overlook more than three decades of sarcasm, bad taste, poor judgment, and blatant snarkiness? I still remember my first day on the job. I was 10 and had to sit on what was called a “telephone […]

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10 Awful Weeds and How to Kill Them

What is a weed? A weed is any plant that’s growing where you don’t want it. Some weeds are ugly. Some are pretty. But nearly all share the nasty habit of growing out of control, coming up everywhere, and making you want to shut yourself in a dark room watching Wendy Williams trash Hollywood celebrities. That’s bad. How can you […]

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