more about: Trees and Shrubs

The Grumpy Gardener

Crepe Murder 2013 — St. Patty’s Day Massacre

March 17, 2013 | By Steve Bender | Comments (2)

Fine, St. Patrick drove all the snakes out of Ireland. Now could he just drive all the pruners, loppers, and saws out of THIS country? Because it seems that once again, bored husbands fortified by gallons of green beer are celebrating the day by mutilating crepe myrtles. And the trees don’t exactly feel lucky.

The Grumpy Gardener

Crepe Myrtle 2013 — Gone Postal

March 14, 2013 | By Steve Bender | Comments (1)

Postal workers are under a lot of stress these days. People pay their bills online, no one leaves letter carriers tips in the mailbox at Christmas anymore, and Saturday delivery is about to end. So it’s not surprising that someone at a rural South Carolina post office snapped this winter — and took it out on a defenseless crepe myrtle.

The Grumpy Gardener

Crepe Murder 2013 — Murderer’s Row

March 12, 2013 | By Steve Bender | Comments (3)

Thank the Lord for this superb example of professional pruning of crepe myrtles at a shopping center sent in by Melanie Hartman from Yorktown, Virginia. She’s our next winner in Crepe Murder 2013!

The Grumpy Gardener

Crepe Murder 2013 — The Cane Mutiny

March 10, 2013 | By Steve Bender | Comments (2)

I don’t know what’s the leading industry in Hinesville, Georgia, but I’m thinking it might be making walking canes for the infirm. Only in Hinesville, they don’t manufacture them at a factory. No, they send someone out in the dead of night with a good pair of loppers in search of a lone crepe myrtle. Wow, and to think that […]

The Grumpy Gardener

Crepe Murder 2013 — Please, A Moment of Silence

March 8, 2013 | By Steve Bender | Comments (13)

There are simply no words — no words to describe the sickening horror felt by Helen Yoest of Raleigh, North Carolina when she chanced upon this grisly crime scene. A family of innocent crepe myrtles, dismembered and mutilated, shrieked to the heavens in pain. Their severed limbs lay before them in a shallow grave, denied even the dignity of a […]

The Grumpy Gardener

Crepe Murder 2013 — Grumpy’s Best of the Worst!

March 7, 2013 | By Steve Bender | Comments (0)

You’ve snoozed through the Super Bowl, slumbered through the Grammies, and snored through the Oscars. No event could match the incredible rush you felt during last year’s Crepe Murder Contest. So rejoice, all ye inhabitants of Earth! The Crepe Murder Contest is back! And it’s time to announce the winners for 2013!!! Are you ready?

The Grumpy Gardener

Crepe Murder Contest Deadline Looms! Make Them Pay!

February 21, 2013 | By Steve Bender | Comments (14)

I was taking the scenic route to work this morning, past the county landfill, when this horrifying sight appeared. Two formerly lovely trees were chopped into ugly stumps. “Crepe murder most foul!!!!!!!!!!!” I screamed. “How can this still be happening?”

The Grumpy Gardener

February’s Prettiest Tree — ‘Okame’ Cherry

February 17, 2013 | By Steve Bender | Comments (6)

If you’re snowbound, afflicted with cabin fever, can’t wait for spring to get here, or simply have two eyes and a brain, here’s the tree for you. It’s a vision of beauty even pinker than Richard Simmons’s underwear — ‘Okame’ cherry.

The Grumpy Gardener

What’s Killing My Boxwood?

February 14, 2013 | By Steve Bender | Comments (3)

Boxwoods are supposed to be green, 24/7, 365 days a year. So it’s no wonder that when boxwoods turn brown, people get upset and demand answers. Why is this awful thing happening?????? As always, Grumpy knows.

The Grumpy Gardener

Are You Ready For Spring?

January 31, 2013 | By Steve Bender | Comments (9)

Where did winter go? Well, for most of us in the South, it was never here. And with the spring thaw nearly upon us, it’s time to ask yourself — is my garden ready for spring? Surely, no question in the world is more important. The following checklist will get you off to a good start.

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