Presented for your inspection…

March 26, 2008 | By | Comments (5)

a reference to a Twilight Zone episode that shows just how old and doddering I am. In the 1964 episode, “Night Call,” an old lady receives a telephone call from a mysterious, anonymous man. The phone company traces the call to a downed telephone line that rests on the grave of her long-dead fiancé who died when she lost control of the car she was driving a week before they were to be married.

Now that’s what I call cold feet – in more ways than one.

Anyway, many of you have noticed that the “According to Steve” column I wrote for Southern Living for many years has suddenly disappeared. A number of readers think maybe it’s because I’m dead, or worse, that I’ve been given my own reality show on TV. (That’s one show the makers of Ambien wouldn’t pay to sponsor. You’d sleep right through the ad.)

Well, I’m not dead nor is this message being transmitted through a
downed high-speed line resting on a crypt. The venue for my vitally
important and incisive commentary has simply switched to the world wide
web, where I can hopefully lead even more people to spiritual
enlightenment, horticultural happiness, and healthier gums.

Check back each week to see new postings that will bring you
laughter and what appears to be knowledge. Have a comment, question, or
insult regarding this blog? I would say drop me a line, but given the
present circumstances, you might get the wrong idea. So just shoot me
an email to

Is it OK if I answer in the middle of the night? It’s always scarier that way. Doo-doo-doo-doo, doo-doo-doo-doo….


  1. Frances L. DuBose

    I am sorry to say, but I do not like SL anymore. It is too glib, too slick and not nearly as Southern in feeling as it once was. Even tho the articles are Southern in geography – they are not in attitude. Where oh Where is my Southern Living. It is more like Coastal Living which is not southern. Bring it back down here in the South.

    September 27, 2008 at 8:47 pm
  2. Grumpy

    I can’t tell you how to spend your 6 bucks, but I can tell you that the Grumpy Gardener is free! Now you get to read my insipid drivel on a daily basis rather than just once a month. Grumpy

    July 28, 2008 at 9:28 pm
  3. Linda Bailey

    I only bought Southern Living for the gardening and Steve Bender I think I’ll use that $6.00 to buy plants, especially now that SL comes from NYC.

    July 28, 2008 at 9:05 pm
  4. grumpygardener

    Dear Fan,
    Thanks for noticing my continued existence. Even though it appears that my hummor and hubris have been banished to the hinterlands, it’s actually more fun writing this blog than the dearly departed “According to Steve,” because I don’t have to endure a bunch of copy editors and other know-it-alls offering such trenchant advice as, “You’ve already used the word ‘pink’ once in sentence. Do you think it’s wise to repeat it?” So please keep reading and tell any other people who like the lighter side of gardening and would appreciate knowing I’m not dead about the Grumpy Gardener. We’ll have fun. More importantly, you can read for free!!

    April 18, 2008 at 9:37 am
  5. Fan

    THis is nice, but your articles were always my favorite, and were the reason I kept re-subscribing to SL all these years. (You can send me the money later.)
    OK, I’m just kidding. Seriously. It really was may favorite, and I’m glad I found your blog. Gardeners with a sense of humor who can write are rarer than an unravaged crepe myrtle in February.

    April 17, 2008 at 3:31 pm

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