Ladies, if you need any more proof that you’re married to an absolute moron, walk outside and see what he just finished doing to your lovely crepe myrtles. After losing a huge bet on underdog Davidson to upset Kansas in the NCAA men’s basketball tournament, he’s worried about a big guy named Vinnie showing up to break his kneecaps. To relieve his anxiety, he’s cut down the crepe myrtles into ugly stumps, which is what his legs will look like shortly. After the hospital releases him, please explain three things. First, crepe myrtles are trees and look awful when pruned back every year. The skinny new branches won’t be strong enough to hold up the flowers. Second, Davidson’s fate rested on the shoulders of a player with the same first name as me and I couldn’t hit a three-pointer if the hoop was the size of Saturn’s rings. Finally, never bet with a guy named Vinnie. Bet with Pat.
Need more advice for your garden? Subscribe to the Grumpy Gardener.