You’ve fidgeted through the football season, groaned through the Golden Globes, and doodled through “Downton Abbey.” HOW MUCH LONGER MUST WE WAIT? you bellow from your recliner. Fear not, faithful reader! Grumpy’s Crepe Murder Contest 2014 is only weeks away! Start looking for horrors right now!
In case you’re a newbie to the South, you should know two things about the people who live here. (1) They are absolutely obsessed with crepe myrtles. (2) Many of them commit a crime called “crepe murder” around this time every year, pruning these beautiful trees back to ugly stumps for no good reason.
Grumpy and his readers have therefore MADE IT THEIR SACRED MISSION to expose these atrocities by sneaking up while the perps aren’t looking, taking digital photos of the evidence, and publishing them here for all to see. The ten worst, most sickening examples of crepe murder will all win nice prizes.
So start sneaking around and looking. Caution — only crepe murder photos wanted. No photos of neighbors wearing sweatsuits in church.