Crepe Murder 2014 is a national tragedy not only for the innocent trees so brutally attacked, but also for the many people who suffer permanent psychological scarring from witnessing these crimes. In honor of these victims, both wooden and flesh, Grumpy asks that all Americans lower Old Glory to half mast today.
The patriotic and compassionate citizens of Tyler, Texas are already on board. Here we see two crepe myrtles that have been chopped down into stumps every year for so long that they look more like hip joints — hip joints that need replacing. Please, everyone, remove your hats and observe a moment of silence in their memory.
For her outstanding leadership in encouraging national action to curb crepe murder by sending in this inspiring and revolting photo, Vicki Betts is winner #5 in Crepe Murder 2014. She will receive a lavender ‘Early Bird’ dwarf crepe myrtle that never needs pruning from our Southern Living Plant Collection. Vicki Betts — a true American hero.
Check back here this Sunday for winner #6. Hope it’s not your house! (BTW — although I do not know who Joel Baker is, he should feel free to generously compensate me for the tremendous publicity I have given his reelection campaign. Cash, of course.)