Get Ready for Crepe Murder 2016!

January 17, 2016 | By | Comments (2)

Crepe murder

That Most Wonderful Time of the Year is nearly upon us! That time when mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers, cats, dogs, and hermit crabs sneak around the neighborhood, smart phone in hand, to record egregious and embarrassing acts of crepe murder committed by those ignorant, benighted folks down the street! Why? To post photos like this one to humiliate them before the entire world on The Grumpy Gardener!

Even though Grumpy writes for Southern Living, you don’t have to live in the South to enter and win. Anywhere that a crepe myrtle grows and senseless people mutilate it to demonstrate declining brain function is fair game for this contest. The prize? A signed copy of that 768-page repository of horticultural brilliance, The New Southern Living Garden Book.

Southern Living Garden Book

Your winning entry will also be immortalized right here. So exciting!

I’ll start taking entries beginning February 1 and will provide an email address to send your horrifying photo in a blog post later this week and on my Grumpy Gardener Facebook page. Hint — winning entries often express humor and irony due to their settings. Like this one.

Crepe murder

So start sneaking around your city and town to ferret out the worst of the worst. Let’s make Crepe Murder 2016 the best one ever!



  1. Cherisse Baetz

    After reading all your posts in the 50th Anniversary Magazine, I will be a constant fan. You crack me up. Loved the one about the mint! My Mother planted some in the front garden of our former house and the current owners are still trying to kill it. Greetings from a transplanted Cajun living in Southeastern Michigan. Otherwise known as the Mitten State!

    January 26, 2016 at 1:48 pm
  2. Mike

    Question –

    what if you have 9 crepe myrtles on which the previous owner committed “crepe murder”, and now have those multiple bloom shoots from where earlier cuts were made ? They look like a gnarled hand at each previous cut, and I thought I’d just cut them lower, but then I’m doing much the same thing – please advise …

    Thanks !!

    January 23, 2016 at 1:22 pm

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