The Grumpy Gardener

Get your garden growing with the humor and wisdom of editor Steve Bender. Ask a Question


Grumpy Falls Ill, Blames Ukraine

Faithful readers, Grumpy is committed to providing you with the most up-to-date, need-to-know horticultural info 24-7-364. (I take one day off for the Super Bowl.) But apparently, certain political groups feel threatened by my supremacy and have taken it upon themselves to secretly ease me out of the picture. I discovered the truth yesterday when I felt a certain loss […]

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Cool Plants For Wet Soil

You see it in the description of almost every plant you want to use — “needs well-drained soil.” So what if your soil isn’t well-drained? What if it’s soggier than the home of “Swamp People?” Will anything grow there besides duckweed? Of course. Let Grumpy enlighten you.

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Throw-Down Thursday — Grumpy’s Mailbag

Grumpy’s making a little change is order to provide you with even more timely¬†gardening info. Every Thursday, I will open my voluminous emailbag and answer vital gardening questions that are preying on people’s minds right now. Let’s get to it.¬†

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3 New Plants You Must Have

  As the South’s foremost advocate for rewarding gardening, Grumpy is always on the lookout for new plants that will make your gardening experience even more exhilarating than lunch with Al Gore. Get ready to be wowed by these uber-wonderful newcomers to our Southern Living Plant Collection.

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Should You Amend Your Soil?

Planting time is finally here (except in Minnesota – haaaaaaaaahh!!). So how many of you think it’s a good idea to amend your soil with peat moss and stuff before planting anything? It sounds right, so it has to be right. Right?

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A REAL Lavender for the South! Sweet!

We can grow many great plants in the South, but up until now traditional lavender hasn’t been one of them. It didn’t like our soil and climate and would collapse and die in a heartbeat. But now there’s hope with a new lavender that’s simply ‘Phenomenal.’

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Crepe Murder 2014 — Sweet Home Alabama

Alabama leads the nations in strokes and Grumpy almost had one when he viewed this, our final winner in Crepe Murder 2014. This, my friends, represents no momentary lapse of reason. No, this hack job results from years of carefully considered sadism.

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Crepe Murder 2014 — Stumped Again!

Why do people do this? It truly stumps the Grump. Folks take a beautiful crepe myrtle with wonderful, chestnut-brown brown bark and in less than an hour transform it into a multiple amputee.

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Crepe Murder 2014 — Caught in the Act!

Has this happened to you? One day, you have a beautiful tree growing in front of your house. Then out of the blue, a mysterious truck appears. A person gets out and looks at your tree. You think, “That’s weird,” but since life is weird in general, you forget about it and go about your business. The next time you […]

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Crepe Murder 2014 — Ask the Professionals!

Why do people murder their crepe myrtles? True, some conjure up this loony idea all by themselves. By and large, however, folks just follow the fine example set by the “professionals.” Does the scene above seem horribly familiar?

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