It was colder than Bernie Madoff’s heart this week. My poor avocado tree turned from green to black and brown. But I’m not going to cut it back just yet. Here’s why you, too, should pocket your pruners for another month or two.
Well, it’s been an eventful couple of days since I returned from vacation to find my sugar maple and crepe myrtle butchered by the power company. Grumpy met yesterday with John Morris, a certified arborist and registered forester with Alabama Power, to see if we could come to a mutually satisfactory solution.
Call it “The Alabama Chainsaw Massacre.” I was on my way home from a week’s vacation in Paris (yes, it was fantastic, merci!) when I received word that earlier that day, the power company had come through, marched into my yard, and cut my trees. My heart sank. I had planted these trees 20 years ago — one, a sugar […]
The azaleas in front of Grumpy’s palace are in full bloom now and looking glorious. But they wouldn’t be if they hadn’t been pruned at the right time. They’d be boring, green blobs. Here’s how to prune azaleas correctly and avoid the state of green blobness so prevalent in our neighborhoods. What to Prune There are two classes of azaleas […]
Crepe murder — the ultimate copycat crime. Now that football season is officially over until August, thousands of bored, frustrated men from sea to shining sea will unleash their pent-up testosterone on their poor crepe myrtles, chopping them down into ugly stumps. Grumpy calls this odious practice “crepe murder” and will never cease in his holy quest to eradicate it […]
Well, now that the college football season is over (I find that beer lessens the withdrawal, but doesn’t cure it completely), winter mauling of trees and shrubs by bored sports addicts is in high gear. Last week, I provided guidelines to prevent ghastly mauling of shrubs in winter. This week, I shall address trees. Ladies, please hide ANYTHING your man […]
Pruning Maniac — armed and extremely dangerous Fellow gardeners, we stand on the verge of apocalypse. With the end of the college football season, thousands of men steaming with pent-up testosterone and overpowering boredom are about to pick up saws and pruners and lay waste to your landscape. It just feels good to cut something. However, if you can possibly […]
Pruning is one garden task that scares the All-Bran out of people. They’re afraid that if they prune something at the wrong time, they’ll ruin it, kill it, or look like a dolt. Relax, my children. The Grump is here to help. If you remember this one rule, you’ll cut your pruning mistakes in half. (I’m so clever. It’s a […]
Great news! Grumpy saw his shadow this morning. Unfortunately, he was in the bathroom. Upon venturing outside, he did not see his shadow. What does this mean? Either spring is just around the corner or it is nowhere close. Glad I could clear that up for you. Fear not, however, for no matter if you live in the land of […]